Discipline is Necessary

This may come as a shock to many of you, but…I have a tendency to be a little selfish. (Insert sarcastic joke here)

I’m not selfish, as in I’m not willing to share my things, but I’m selfish in the sense that I like to be the center of attention…a lot. I love to be the girl talked about, and I enjoy when people complement me on basically anything. I find it super entertaining to be the “butt of jokes” because, well…it’s about me. I can very much be the “any publicity is good publicity” kind of person.  Words of affirmation is DEFINITELY my Love Language.

But there is an inward battle that occurs from being selfish. While I have many people devote their attention to me, when I don’t have that attention…my self esteem and my identity crash. To put it simply, I hate not having attention. It frustrates me and sometimes sends me into a nervous panic even. Sounds dramatic, but ask my friends…they know it’s true.

The fact that I "like attention" has led me to be involved in a lot of “filler” relationships that weren’t beneficial to me. I was friends with people who took advantage of me, or people who caused me to doubt myself in ways that I wouldn’t have before. Other relationships weren’t as bad as others, but they were grounded on faulty foundations and a break ensued.

Since March I’ve felt a great calling from God to spend some time truly digging deep to find out who I am in Him. Naturally, I’ve stalled. I’ve filled my life with appointments, schedules, meaningless activities, all in hopes that I would avoid the search for Him and my identity in Him. I’ve been too afraid to trust that He is enough and that I truly don’t need anyone else to make me happy. I’ve been too afraid of discovering all my dirt and having to deal with my sinful nature. It's really tough to step outside yourself and count all the ways that you need to grow, all the things you need to learn and deal with the person you've become because of sin. It's not fun to evaluate yourself to discover that you're not who you want to be. However, it's necessary. And although the mere fact that God has chosen to make me in His image is AMAZING to me, this journey requires much discipline. In Hebrews 12, we are given an interesting and hopeful perspective of discipline.

"Endure suffering as discipline: God is dealing with you as sons. For what son is there that a father does not discipline? But if you are without discipline-which all receive-then you are illegitimate children and nots sons. Furthermore, we had natural fathers discipline us, and we respected them. Shouldn't we submit even more to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time based on what seemed good to them, but He does it for our benefit, so that we can share His holiness. No discipline seems enjoyable at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it yields the fruit of peace and righteousness to those who have been trained by it." Hebrews 12:7-11

I remember times when I was being disciplined by my own father he would always tell me, "I'm not punishing you to be mean. I'm punishing you because I love you." I think often times we forget that love isn't always fairy tales. It's hard stuff too.

Walking with Christ is a long, glorious journey that we are often afraid to begin, but we are helpless to resist the call. I am confident that the works that have begun in me will be completed. I am confident that my God does all things for my good and my benefit. He is my King, my Prize, my Refuge and Strength. I will delight to do His will.